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| We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
oscar wilde. | | |
| I think I've begun to comprehend the temporality of this lifetime. In relation to other people specifically. Life since high school, it's been so transient, there's nothing solid for me to hold on to anymore. Maybe it's because I don't think of anything as something that is solid enough to be substantial. And I guess that is my fault.
So I've been searching for something, anything, that might make me feel secure. Maybe that's all something we have to struggle with. Leaving home, growing up, we crave that sense of security. Of safety, in our relationships, jobs, everyday. And I hope for me that doesn't lead to some cut and dry office job, soul sucking emptiness and whatnot. I want the thrill of fear. If not anything else instability is exciting. But fear, it's an unpredictable thing. One second it's as small as a watermelon seed and the next, its a hulking demon that you cannot escape. | | |
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i miss the days when it was us and the music and all i had to worry about was remembering the dance. behind the curtains in the blackness and whispered silence, listening to them sing. waiting, but for nothing soon.
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| It's been too long.
Summer's in full swing.
Life goes on as always and as always things happen and change. I can't decide if things are better now than before, it always just seems the same. But when I look back on the past my memories are always so skewed, more black and white than they were and are at the present. I can't decide if maybe it's just rosy retrospection or the distance giving me an unbiased view. Well, whatever the reason I think things have taken a turn for the better. I'm always hopeful that things will get better it seems. Just one insignificant act or moment can make that for me.
So maybe this time things will be better. I can only hope and do what I do.
I had an interview at Atlantic records today. It went well and I won't push it any farther. Don't want to jinx myself. Radio pop promotion. It's such an amazing opportunity. Especially since they're a label under the Warner Music Group because Warner is such a huge player in the industry, any in would be amazing. And I can only hope that is where this internship might lead. And if I do get it, I can honestly say I look forward to the future. I usually try to live in the present and not get too ahead of myself but this... is different. It's like something is actually happening for me. And that's a nice change. We'll just have to see how things go and hope for the best. I can't wait :)
On the personal front, things that have plagued me for the past year seem to be fracturing a little. A tiny bit at a time. And maybe this is a breakthrough. I won't mention specifics but I have hope. It just took one person, one specific person and it's like a ray of sun from behind the clouds.
It's been a crazy week with work, projekt revolution, traveling to the city, the interviews, friends. Juggling it all has been insanity. I'm sure things will let up a little next week.
I'm sure my parents are frustrated that I'm not home more.
But right now, I'm just happy to be where I am.
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| No one can save me but myself. | | |
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